[round one] how to skin your knees standing straight, by fated_addiction

[housebigbangmod]

Title: how to skin your knees standing straight
Author: fated_addiction
Pairing: House/Cameron, Chase/Cameron
Rating: R
Length: 20 000 words
Spoilers: Through "Human Error".
Summary: That summer, Cameron tries to keep her choices straight. Why should she stay?
Excerpt:

It occurs to her that she's never really asked, really asked him if he's ready for this, if he can be patient for her. It seems selfish and more indulgent than anything else. She doesn't like how it makes her feel. She doesn't like how any of this feels. He makes her feel out of place and as unintentional as it is, she’s only prone to react the way she knows. It's an excuse, but it’s what she has.

The whole idea of what she did, of what she drove to do, is losing the strength of intention that she had. She could go on and on about how it was supposed to be something good, something new, and a real chance for herself. It was. It still is. It's kind of lackluster now and she feels, really, out of her element.

But she doesn’t know where to find it.

"You don't want to go."

She's startled. She thinks she’s missed something, lost a part of the conversation. She blinks, looks around, and hears the sigh on the other line.

Her mouth thins. "I don’t know."

This time she really takes the pause. She listens to him, imagines him, and can practically taste the disappointment. She doesn’t know how to do this yet, she wants to say to him and it’s unfair to really place the idea of a relationship on her too soon. But that’s stupid and selfish and she did say, she did say that she wanted to try. She’s willing to try.

Chase deserves more than just a little honesty.

"It’s hitting, you know?" She takes a deep breath, "I mean--I actually did this."

With a rich, unusual narrative style, fated_addiction has crafted a compelling account of Cameron's indecision during the summer between season three and season four. Cameron is torn between Chase, who wants to convince her that she is ready to move on--and specifically, move on with him--and House, whose strong, abiding pull hasn't faded simply because Cameron quit her fellowship. fated_addiction writes a believable and sympathetic characterization for Cameron, showing how she knows she ought to want to move on, but at the same time, how much she simply isn't ready to let go. There is a desperate languor to Cameron's actions that is strongest in the scene after she finally gives in to temptation. In how to skin your knees standing straight, fated_addiction has built a wonderful atmosphere of ambivalence, uncertainty, and, finally, acceptance.


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